Steve Share interview

All right. Thank you so much for agreeing to be interviewed for the hearing queer project. Um Please introduce yourself. Uh My name is Steve Cher and I live in Santa Rosa. I'm 63 years old. Great. Um Can you tell us a little bit about your life

as a queer person in Snow County? It, it's interesting because I met the person who would become my husband, the man of my, my life um 33 years ago in Sonoma County and it was unexpected because I wasn't living here. I was, we were both from

San Francisco and we were at a retreat and uh happened to be in the same cabin and connected in a workshop. So amidst the redwoods and the magic of Sonoma County, um we connected and had a conversation that was quite deep and interesting. And uh from

there, we continued the conversation for years in San Francisco and then eventually moved up here. Um We liked it. I had been up here for, for work a couple of times and I thought it was an interesting and beautiful place and it was time to move.

So we moved and have been here since 2007. Sta um, you're not originally from Sonoma County. So, how has your experience living here as a queer person been different or similar to where you lived before? Well, we lived, uh in San Francisco together, um, for 22

years, at least. Um, Tom, my, my husband even more. But it was interesting because it didn't feel as safe in San Francisco. It felt there was an immediate change when we moved here, living in San Francisco. I was uh a victim of uh an anti gay

hate assault one time um graffiti. Uh the house was, you know, vandalized. I, I didn't expect that it would be a perfect safe environment. It's a big city and things happen and it wasn't horrible compared to what other people have gone through. But I was always

aware and there was always a nervousness going out at night. I was always looking over my shoulder and I realized, you know, being in San Francisco, the center of so much energy, so much clear action and, and being part of the pride parade, all of those

things that we, that we did, that I did and we did, we had a community, we had friends, but there was also a sense of danger sometimes and that it was not as safe as people would like to believe all that changed. Moving to Sonoma County

to Santa Rosa, it felt much warmer, much safer. I'd never found myself looking over my shoulder, going out at night is much more comfortable than it ever was in San Francisco. Before that, I lived in Los Angeles area, Pasadena. And uh I was involved, actively involved

in um the earlier gay rights movement as it was then called gay, gay lesbian bi. And uh I started the first lesbian gay bi student union at Pasadena City College. It had not, it had been there briefly before, but it had been dormant. And so I

reactivated it with one other person. So we got that going and I made some connections um still in touch with a couple of those people, but that was back, you know, like 1980. And uh but Pasadena was not progressive, it was not particularly gay. Um I

didn't feel threatened or unsafe so much there, but I just decided, you know, if I wanted to meet the person that I would spend my life with, I would probably have to go to San Francisco and eventually that's what happened, but it was in Sonoma County

where we met. Um Please share a little bit about your coming out experience in what ways were you supported? And in what ways did you struggle to find acceptance from the people in your life? Good question. Uh Well, you know, times have changed, it was a

while ago in 19 what, 79 80. Uh I guess it was a process that took me longer than it would have, you know, now, because it seemed like it was a really kind of daring, daring and scary thing to do. Um, there were very few organizations,

uh, there were a lot more stereotypes, a lot more negative energy. And, uh, but my, my first, uh, I, I met someone and he was the one who, you know, with his, uh encouragement. I started the lesbian, gay student union at the, at the Pasadena City

College. I, um, I found through, um, you know, those connections, an early support and I felt stronger about establishing, you know, who I was and being open about it. And I was able to start by telling my father who was, you know, we were very close

and he raised me pretty much. But I started telling you by telling my father, he was a little concerned, not exactly thrilled at first, but not upset or angry. I think he just didn't, it's not something that he really understood and was struggling with too, um,

person from that generation. But over the years, gradually, you know, it became much more natural and easier for him. But, um, I did have some good friends and I did sort of move to the, to the point where, you know, we choose our family, our friends.

And, uh, I, I decided to kind of move away from whatever biological family and, and, and start by establishing, you know, traditions and, uh, good friendships that have continued to this day. Um, but people have always been supportive for me. They have to be, um, I

wouldn't keep someone around if they weren't. Um, but it was challenging, you know, and, and then, so this was all like 79 80 and then in 81 all of a sudden, Aids is in the news and it's a big deal and everyone is nervous and it

kind of changed the, uh, this, the, uh, the energy and people started really worrying and as the, as the eighties continued, it got worse. And, uh, I think it, it kind of drove me back into the closet in a way, um, at work and things like

that. I moved to San Francisco in 1985 and, uh, kind of put my life on hold for a while. Um, not too long. I met my, my spouse to be in 1989 but I found out just before that, uh, that I was HIV positive and I

was not, at that point, there was nothing effective that could be done and I really didn't think I was going to be around very long. I was, uh, 28 29 29. And I thought, ok, well, this is it. And I met him and I told him

the first time we actually talked that this was what was going on and this is what I just found out a couple of months before and, uh, like six months less than six months and he accepted me, he accepted the situation. He, he left me for

who I was and was willing to deal with whatever came and, and now 33 almost 34 years later, we're still here and we've gotten through it and there are effective treatments and I've survived many, many more years than I expected to, you know, some sort of

normal aging thrown in. But that, that's life and I'm pretty lucky to have all that. Thank you so much for speaking to us, um, uh, and sharing your story. Sure. Thank you.